


Forgive Me

by orphan_account



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You're jealous. You're jealous of humans aren't you?"AU of Envy's death scene but they live.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been done a hundred times already and it's extremely unoriginal and boring but I wanted to put my own spin on Envy's death scene.

"You're way beyond the point of kissing and making up, right pipsqueak? Right Hawkeye? Mustang? Scar?"

Envy, in their most raw and vulnerable form, was squished in Edward Elric's hand. They turned their tiny green body and looked around at the others, horror sinking in. Their stomach dropped.

"There's no way. No, no you can't. Never, never, it's impossible!"

Their high voice whined, beads of sweat forming. Everyone was looking down at Envy in silence.

"How could you? How could you do it? _Nooooo!!!"_

"Now I see."

Envy looked back up at Ed as he spoke.

"You're jealous. You're jealous of humans aren't you?"

Envy froze.

"We humans, according to you, were supposed to be nothing when compared to homunculi. And yet, when we're beaten down, when we stray and fall, we face the challenge again and again. Our loved ones are always there to pick us back up. And you're jealous. You envy us because of that."

Horror struck Envy as Ed had seemed to read their mind, memories of things that Envy had said in the past washed over them. They tried to process what Ed had come to conclude about them being true. Despite it being their sin, they had tried to push that part of themselves down their whole life. Of all the homunculi, Envy had the strongest hatred for humans and took pleasure in belittling them and causing fights to break out between them, causing any kind of chaos possible. Envy did this to bury their jealousy of humans, to make themself feel superior to humans for their already fragile ego. Now it crumbled in Ed's hand.

Envy squirmed in Ed's hand trying to escape his tight grip.

"Hey what do you think you're doing?! Hang on a second! Idiot, where do you think you're going- _OW!!"_

Envy chopped down on Ed's finger, and Ed dropped them to the ground a few feet in front of him with a _plop._ Riza aimed her gun-

"Wait. It won't last long." Scar interjected.

”Humiliating... ending up so pathetic like this. Trampled on by humans, those loathsome beings. Weak, useless people... And what’s worse, out of all the scum out there you had be the one, didn’t you pipsqueak?”

Envy muttered to themself. Their face prickled with heat and humiliation and they felt like they could cry but they tried to hold it in. They were already ultimately humiliated, so did it really matter if they cried in front of everyone? Nothing could be worse than this. Envy started inhaling heavier breaths at an irregular pace and whimpering as they gave in to crying. They screamed, trying to release some of the horrible ache from inside themself. Screaming wasn’t enough. Envy could never recover from this, and there was only one way out.

Still crying and mumbling about how humiliated they were, Envy sat up. They failed Father and they could never recover from this if their siblings found out. Everyone was going to know if Envy walked out of here. Everyone would find out they were jealous of-

More tears and screaming erupted as they thought about being exposed as jealous of humans. Their worst nightmare became their reality, and there was nothing they could do to change this. Envy wished they could reverse time so they could change a few things and then they wouldn’t be in this situation. Their future was hopeless and they were in their most pathetic and hideous form. It was then that Envy settled on not living anymore. They couldn’t bare this. They would always be an unlovable, ugly, green worm on the inside, no matter their appearance. A disgrace to Father. If they came back to Father they would probably be cast aside or go back into his body like the first Greed-

Envy was going to kill themself and nobody could change their mind.

Envy reached into their mouth and down their throat, feeling for their Philosopher's Stone in their gut. Ed quickly caught on to what they were planning to do, his stomach dropped and eyes widened.

"Envy, no! No! Envy, Envy, _ENVY!!!"_

Ed shouted at them and rushed over. Ed came down to his knees, scooping Envy up into his hands. He wanted to cradle them, but he held on tight to protect them from themself. His grip restrained their tiny arms. 

"Envy..."

Someone started talking, but Envy couldn't process what was being said. They were trembling and still crying.

"Pipsqueak...?"

Envy passed out, barely able to finish his nickname.

 

* * *

 

 When Envy awoke, they weren't on the cold, hard ground nor were they being squished in Ed's hand. The first thing they noticed was that it was comfortable. Envy slowly opened their eyes, blinking a few times to restore their blurry vision to normal. They saw that they were lying on a pillow in a large bed, and their arms were green. They were still in their vulnerable true form. Next to their pillow was another one with someone's head resting on it.

"The fullmetal runt?!" 

Envy squeaked, startling themself and awakening Ed. 

"Hey, you're finally awake. We were worried about you back there."

Ed lifted his head. It took Envy a minute to remember what had happened, and when they did they groaned and laid back down, sinking into the pillow. It crossed their mind that they could easily escape this room and be free, which was stupid of the humans not to think through, but they also could barely muster the energy to stand at the moment. Envy decided it wasn't worth the effort, at least not right now.

"It's okay, you're safe. You're not going to be harmed here." Ed spoke softly. He sat up.

"How long have I been out for?"

"A long time, but that doesn't matter right now. You should be focusing on your recovery. So now you sleep."

Ed got off the bed and left the room closing the door behind himself gently. The blanket on the bed was folded and neat, so he hadn't been under the covers. What remained were Ed's imprints of where he laid down and Envy. Envy was exhausted, so they took Ed's advice and shut their eyes. A strange empty feeling filled the room and Envy tried to push the feeling away as they fell back to sleep.

With each passing day Envy gained a bit of their strength back. Most days were spent sleeping, eating three meals a day, and a small bath in the bathroom sink. They were basic but important things to keep up with. Ed and Al had been the ones helping to take care of Envy, but most of the time it was Ed. Ed's face was hard to read and Envy could not tell if this was a chore for him or if he enjoyed taking care of Envy. His opinion didn't matter to Envy much because they were enjoying the treatment. They needed help getting back on their feet and loved the attention. No words were exchanged between them since that first day. How would they even start this kind of conversation? Ed and Al's position on all this was unclear. Didn't the Elrics and everyone else hate them? So then why were they being taken care of?

_Why the hell did they care about the enemy? They're even more dumb than I already thought they were._

They started thinking about how the conversation might go, several scenarios running through their head depending on their choice of words or what Ed might ask. What if it was Al that asked? Or someone else like Mustang? Would they change their answers? They were disgruntled and dreaded the inevitable conversation. Envy groaned into their pillow. 

_Why, why? Why couldn't I have just died? It would have been so much easier._

They never wanted to leave the bed, only sleep. They were a miserable little creature. Under normal circumstances Envy would be unappreciative of the Elric brother's care, but they couldn't deny that they looked forward to being cared for and felt like they mattered. All the attention was on them, because they _mattered_. Envy didn't know why they mattered, but they didn't want to interrupt care time with heavy questions. They wished it would last forever.

As Envy continued to daydream about care time they didn't hear the door knob squeak as the door opened. They didn't notice anything until Ed greeted them.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Ed's voice was soft, and his eyes scanned Envy, concern on his face. He sat on the bed, legs crossed. Envy snapped back into reality from their daydream, slightly annoyed. They weren't ready for this conversation yet-

_Well, I did just try to kill myself a week and a half ago so I'd say I'm feeling fantastic._

Envy nearly said their snarky comment out loud, but bit their tongue. Maybe they should be a bit more kind and actually talk, considering all he had done for them.

"I'm doing my best."

Ed nodded.

"Good, good. Sometimes your best is running a marathon, sometimes it's just getting through the next hour." 

They knew Ed was just trying to comfort them but they really didn't want this. They squirmed uncomfortably.

But maybe now was a good time to ask Ed about why they mattered, since he was talking and Envy didn't know if they would feel comfortable anytime soon to talk again.

"...Why me? Why did you stop me? It just doesn't make any sense to me why you'd want me, the enemy, to live? What does my life matter to you?"

Envy's voice pitched higher as they grew frustrated. They sighed and sat up finally, looking at Ed's golden eyes.

"I don't know. A combination of things, maybe. Maybe it's because I believe in second chances, or because I've seen enough people die already. Why add another to the list if I have a chance to save them? When I figured out you were jealous of humans,"

Ed looked at his automail arm.

"I thought that, while you could never be human, you should at least be able to live like one."

Envy had nothing to say to this. They were flattered, but uncertain how to respond. Humans were so soft and unrealistic, but watching them be like this was amusing. 

"...Okay." 

Was all Envy could come up with.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got impatient so I'm skipping over to the fluff.

Envy gathered enough strength to shapeshift into their human-like body. Their favorite one, of course - 'young and cute' as they called it. They grinned and admired their appearance. Androgynous, muscular, curvy hips, and long hair. Just the way they liked it. Envy didn't need Ed and Al to look over them as much because they progressed so much in recovery. They were going outside and feeling the sun on their skin, putting a bit more care into their appearance, socializing a tad more, and creating a normal sleeping schedule instead of only waking up for a meal. They were small changes, but good ones. Baby steps. Envy wondered what the next step in recovery would be for them. Leaving the house finally? They should probably make some sort of goal for themself so they wouldn't stray away from this progress. They thought of bringing this up to Ed the next time they saw him, as well. 

There was a knock at the door.

"Hey, it's just me. Can I come in?"

Ed's voice called from behind the door. 

"Sure."

Ed came in and closed the door behind him. He smiled at Envy.

"You've come so far in your recovery. I'm really proud of you."

Envy felt like he was going to hug them or he was thinking of what to do, because there was an awkward pause.

"Ah, thank you."

Was Envy's delayed response. Envy was taller than Ed, but only by a few inches. It was strange looking over him after a month of looking up to him.

"Al said supper would be ready in half an hour. I thought in the mean time you should bathe... but now I'm not so sure you need my help with that." 

Ed laughed nervously.

"I couldn't really take care of myself as a little worm with my tiny arms, but now that I have a young and cute body, I should probably learn how to properly care for myself. Would you be uncomfortable showing me?" 

They spit the words out without thinking it through, and looked away, sweat beads forming. Too late to take it back now. If Ed thought they were a pervert, there was nothing they could do to take it back.

"I can teach you, I don't mind. Helping someone is no problem."

 "Eh? Uhm, alright."

Ed walked into the bathroom, implying for Envy to follow.

"You need to do things like wash your face with soap and water. It keeps your face clean and free of dirt. That's easy and you've seen me do that to your whole body as a worm. You also need to brush your hair and bathe yourself, which you seem to struggle with a bit. I'll show you how to do it."

Envy thought they were supposed to be insulted but they didn't feel too bad with all the attention they were receiving. They felt their cheeks warm up and they watched Ed as he ran a bath and fetched a hair brush. Envy undressed in the meantime. They felt themself relax as they took off their constricting top, and thought it was funny how they had breasts again. They stepped into the tub, careful not to slip, and finally sat with their legs bent in front of them, as if it were protecting them. Ed came back into the bathroom with a brush in his hand and a towel in the other. His face was bright red and he tried to avoid eye contact with Envy. 

"I'm sorry if this is awkward. I can go if you are uncomfortable. All you have to do is-"

"It's okay. I'm not bothered."

Ed raised his eyebrows and then nodded.

"A-Alright then,"

He rubbed his neck nervously and still tried to avoid eye contact with Envy. He took off his jacket and gloves, leaving them by the sink.

"First let's start with your hair."

Ed took the shampoo bottle and squirted some shampoo, about the size of a quarter, into his hand. He knelt down to level with Envy as they sat in the tub. 

"Turn your head for me? Thank you. I'm just washing your hair with some shampoo. This is different from soap, so don't get the two mixed up. Most people use very little shampoo for one wash - about the size of a quarter - but since you have so much hair we might need a little bit more." 

He put a bit more in his hand and then wiped it on the top of Envy's head. Ed put both his hands in it, spreading it around, and then went under locks with his fingers, trying to cover all of their hair. There was so much hair.

Envy blushed and closed their eyes. They felt relaxed, pleasant, and wanted. When Ed finished he washed the shampoo out, avoiding it going on their face as much as possible. When he was done, Envy was disappointed it was over.

"Envy?"

"Yeah pipsqueak?"

"Can I join you for this part?"

Envy opened their eyes and Ed was looking at their's. What was his intention? 

"Sure, I guess." 

They mumbled. They were uncertain about what direction this was going in, but they didn't mind having Ed in there. He undressed, and Envy scooted forward in the tub, making room for Ed in the back. They really liked this, but was paralyzed with nervousness. They heart fluttered and their spine shivered when Ed put his hands on their back. He was only making circles with a bar of soap on their back, but it still felt so... intimate. Like the kind of thing lovers do. Did this make them lovers? How does this all even work?

Envy was pulled out of their thoughts again when Ed gently placed his hands on their hips and pulled them closer. His legs were on the outside of their legs, almost holding them. Envy leaned back against Ed and blushed, and he continued to rub soap over their whole body. He never pushed for anything more than that. Envy then understood - this was his way of showing care. He cared for others by doing things for them. He took care of Envy because they mattered to him, to give them a second chance and redeem themself.

"I think I would like to try again. A second chance at life. I hope you can forgive me."

Envy said, turning to face Ed. They smiled, gently kissed him on the lips, and Ed returned the kiss.

Envy was recovering.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has no relation to my personal issues whatsoever. Just something stupid I wanted to write.


End file.
